Thursday, January 12, 2006

How Many Times?

How Many Times?

This is a question that was asked of Jesus. How many times should we forgive our brother?

His answer was 70x7. Does this mean only 490 times? No I think not. It means all the time. This, as I am finding out is not easy. It is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. In order to be more Christ like and to show the Love of Christ, I still have to, regardless of my personal feelings.

The last few days have tested me more than I have ever been tested before. I am still being tested.

It is so hard to do this when you keep getting slapped in the face for doing so. My pride has been shattered, I have been ripped apart, had lie after lie told about me everywhere, and all by the same person. Why would I put myself through this? Because God said so!! It is that simple. Sometimes just the thought that God will bless me and that He is smiling at me is the only thing that keeps me going. I know that I am doing the right thing, I know that God is happy with me, but that doesn't take away the pain or hurt. While she has been pretty much quiet on the homefront, she is still telling the lies!! This hurts.

I just keep pressing on to the high mark and I will continue to do so as long as I am able. This is the hardest thing I have or will ever do.

This includes keeping silent and letting the lies continue so that she isn't embarrassed. Just the hyprocricy is killing me. While telling the lies, she claims that I want to blackmail her with the truth? Huh? Go figure!

She claims that she is taking her entire bottle of sleep medicine, but then claims that I am creating "drama" when in I call everybody I know that knows her to try and help her. Then gets furious with me and tells me that I don't care about her and that is why I "created drama". Huh? Would it be showing that I care if I just let her die? How is that caring? Huh? When saying that I was praying, is met with being cursed at.

Sometimes I wish I could just open up my chest and show what is really in there. Boy, would everybody (well not everybody, only those who claim that I don't care) be surprised at how much I do care.

What is a person to do? Pray! That and continue pressing on, doing what God wants me to do.

This goes against my grain. When attacked, I want to attack back. When hurt, I want to hurt back. But that wouldn't be showing the Love of Christ. That would not please my God. So I do the only thing I can do, pray. Hope, pray, and have faith that my actions will overshadow the lies. If God is for me, who can be against me? No one. He is the only one that matters. Not public opinion, especially the opinion of those who have hurt me. I need to let go and let God take care of it. I need to trust that God will take care of it. Trust that God is pleased with me. Isn't that all that matters anyways? Yes it is!

Just remember, God looks at the heart. Only He knows what is in there. I know that my God is very pleased with me. :)
posted by Star @ 8:08 PM